Taking a number two isn’t something most people talk about openly too often, but anyone that knows me can tell you that I’m not most people… After traveling for years now I’ve come up with a few really helpful tips for dropping brown while at an airport or in an airplane. If someone had told me these little tricks years ago they could have saved me from a lot of hassles and headaches, so I’m passing my secrets on to you in hopes that I can help you have a better traveling poop experience. Feel free to post your own tips in the comments, but please keep your personal photos to yourself.
1. Deactivating Auto Flush
One of the worst things about dropping a deuce in a public restroom is the surprise of a toilet that decides to auto flush before you have removed your bum from the bowl. The fact that you have to get up to avoid backsplash while the flushing ensues is a real buzzkill on your concentration. For years I thought this was just something that was completely unavoidable—that is until another seasoned traveler posted this tip on my Facebook wall. Thanks again, Chad Kagy!
To deactivate the auto flush of a public toilet you can take a small tear of toilet paper, spit on it, and adhere the wet paper to the sensor. With the sensor covered you are free to sit around as long as you need to in order to finish your business before removing the paper and allowing the flushing to commence.
2. Keeping Yourself Clean
Whether they speak about it openly or not, a lot of people really enjoy a nice, clean bottom after taking a dump—and let’s face it…dry toilet paper isn’t always the best way to clean yourself. When you are in the comfort of your own home it is easy to keep baby wipes on hand or to drizzle a bit of water on the toilet paper to make sure you finish off with some proper sanitation. However, keeping it clean becomes a bit more difficult on the go. To avoid skidmarks and ensure a clean sweep while at the airport there are a few things you can do: You can take a small pack of baby wipes with you in your backpack or briefcase, you pick up a few wet wipes at the airport steakhouse, or you can simply bring a bottle of water into the stall with you to wet down some TP.
3. Pre-Lining The Bowl
If you’ve made it out of the airport and onto the plane before realizing a BM is knocking at your back door you are faced with the discomfort of having to go mid-air while a line of people wait in a cramped aisle for that little sign to switch back from “occupied” to “vacant”. As uncomfortable as this affair may already be, it becomes much worse when you have finished and flushed but are still left with unsightly bowl stains staring back at you. The lack of water in the plastic or aluminum airplane toilet bowl makes for some sticky situations. Mud tracks left on the bowl are not only gross and unsanitary, but they can be downright embarrassing when you walk out of the lavatory and realize that the next person in line will have to deal with your repulsive remnants.
The solution to this common airborne conundrum is a simple one… If you tear off a handful of sheets of toilet paper and drop them in the bowl before you sit down it creates just enough of a barrier between your poop and the proverbial porcelain to allow the unconventional flushing technique of the airplane toilet to remove all signs of muck you may have left behind.